I’ve recently discovered that indeed forgiveness is for one’s own benefit and not anyone else. I am saying “recently” because my whole life I’ve always had this thing of if a person does me wrong or there’s a fallout between us, I will never speak to that person anymore; not that I hate them but I just cut them off completely from my life. The logic I was using in my mind is that ‘I am just avoiding further damage to our relationship by distancing myself from them.’

I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received” 

Now this mindset seemed to predominantly apply only to the girls I’ve been involved with romanticly. Whenever the other person would ask for forgiveness with the hopes of reconciliation, I would just dismiss them like I didn’t even know them – Pride also played it’s part when I refused to forgive them. In my mind I was thinking that I was punishing them but in actual fact, unknowingly, I was punishing myself.

I’ve recently came to discover how important forgiveness actually is. It came at a time where I was told in order not to let the other person have control over me, I have to forgive them so I can have peace in my heart. Now this person whom they said I should forgive is a family member. There I was waiting for him to ask for forgiveness or at least to show regret of the bad things that he put me through. Mind you, this person is so prideful it’s actually annoying, and I was thinking if I try to make peace with him he’ll think I’m sucking up to him, and in addition to that his ego is just going to grow bigger and he might not be interested in a truce. Then the day came when I had to finally speak to him. 

Honestly speaking, if I had my own way I was going to try by all means to postpone or simply just avoid the peace talks just as I have been avoiding them all my life before; but because there was a mediator, who’s also family, I couldn’t. I said a little prayer, surpressed my pride and summoned extra confidence, took a deep breath and approached him and said what I needed to say. To my surprise, it didn’t  go as bad as I had imagined all this time. It was such a great feeling and I honestly felt at peace whilst I was still talking to him. At that moment I realised that it didn’t actually matter if he wanted to make peace with me or not, all I felt was the weight of resentment and anger being lifted off my shoulders and peace was being restored in my heart. It was really a great feeling! 

After I was able to cross that bridge, after forgiving someone whom I thought I would never be able to forgive… I contacted all my previous partners and apologised to them. Again, after I said my apologies, all of them were cool with me, in fact, most of them said they actually never held a grudge against me. This proved even further that it is better to let peace prevail than holding on to a grudge. This is not for them but for yourself. Live hate-free and cleanse your heart. I promise you, you won’t regret it. In fact, you’ll be glad you did. Trust me, I know (1st hand experience) #SWisdom 

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